Where is your escape?

All of the many phases of my life have all been "similar" in that I always have some kind of escape that I selfishly keep to myself.

The highschool years... it was gymnastics... I loved going... I felt so powerful... I enjoyed the ability to control the out of control. It was heaven actually for this control freak. I only wish I had done more of it, longer and at a younger age.

During the college years... it was the jobs I held. I worked every summer, every semester except my first year... I loved to work. It was my escape from SMU... where although I did find my niche... I completely didn't fit in.

After college it was yoga. I still love yoga but I feel like I ruined it by trying my hand at being an instructor. I took a lot of time and consideration to go into the certification program... and one month in... the requirements changed.... and so did my attitude. I felt like I coudln't "trust" my yoga people anymore. They didn't respect the fact that I signed up for something specific and they robbed me from that. Everything that I did, was never good enough. As much as I loved it, I hated every inch. So my escape enslaved me. I pushed too hard... and I got injured and my hip is still recovering. I haven't been to a yoga class in more than a year. I miss that escape every single day. But I have a hard time envisioning going back. At least to where I was. They preached acceptance of where you are in your yoga journey. Yet no one there respected the fact that I was a working mother with zero time and trying to get the certification done in my own time and way. Everything I did fell short. And so did my certification. I was about 40 hours short in finishing the 500 hour certification. And I"m terrified to go back. I"m not sure that I ever will. As much as I hate unfinished business, I hate going right back into a lions den when I know exactly what's in there. My birthday is April 7. And I might give myself a yoga class.

Since yoga... the escape has been trips to disney world. It's a literal escape. I was never one for vacations, but after starting my current job and working at the pace I've been working at, it's become a necessity to have vacations where I don't check email and I give my brain a break and my family my undivided attention for a week. I've never been that sort of person that needed that. I always used vacation time to catch up with family and always checked email and voicemail during vacations. It never bothered me.Over the holidays this year I miscalculated how much vacation time I had... and went over by one day. I figured it wasn't a big deal... and could borrow against vacation time. I ended up getting docked a day's pay for the extra vacation day I took. This was a little disheartening considering that during vacation I checked my email every day. So I learned my lesson the hard way. First lesson... was to know my math.... second lesson was that I should NEVER check email on vacation. Vacation is vacation and an escape. A much needed brain break from the work day. Take it, enjoy it and don't look back.

Our next escape is to Disney for my daughter's 4th birthday. Wow... the fastest 4 years of my life... seriously. And is it wrong that I'm already working on planing another trip to Disney for the fall. I"m working on the next escape. What's yours?

K

A not so skinny cow

I'm convinced that my friends at weight watchers didn't have in mind that 1 skinny cow equals 2 points, and if you can have 22 points a day that's 10 skinny cows. But nonetheless... something to that effect happened. Sorry to admit... I got emotional... and I ate 3 skinny cows in one sitting. What can I say... my veggie burrito just didn't do it for me. Will my friends at Dottie's Weight Loss Zone cringe... probably... does this girl who's way tired and over stressed this week care... I'm willing to bet not.

But nonetheless... I try to stick to the leaf I've turned over... exercise 3 days a week (minimum... and even that's been hard), no more energy drinks, decrease the quickness to anger, breath more, smile more, stand in the sun more....I feel happier. I sort of want my butt to shrink too. I think I'm asking for too much.

The issue... the issue is that for the 4 yeas since having my daughter I can't seem to shed the baby weight. It's officially no longer baby weight. BAby weight is what my grandmother and aunt geri used to refer to my pudgieness as a pre teen.. it wasn't baby weight then either. So when I hear the term I'm actually super offended. I"m going to say that it's.. life happens weight. And with a job that isn't quite as flexible as it used to be.. I don't get in the workouts the way that I once did. So... the world is different. EAting vegetables in mass quantities has commenced and cutting out all of the stuff I love is a new reality. I can't remember the last time I had a real piece of bread, a real piece of chocolate and a piece of pizza. I don't think that I was a crazy bad eater or overeater for that matter... but by paying attention for one week and working out 3 times... I lost 4 pounds. I know that rate won't sustain. But if I could just feel better about myself and not be so freakin' embarassed about my body all the time, things would be looking up.

Am I the only woman in the world who feels more confident, sexier and happier when I'm not this size? I'm willing to bet not. But I wouldn't necessarily consider myself "fat." but... by today's standards, yeah... I am... it's a confusing game... it's frustrating...so I won't allow myself to get crazy... but Iwill allow myself to get healthy(er).

I'm considering trying quick trim... mostly because I love the Kardashians. Is that wrong?

I saw my arms

Holy crap! I saw my arms today and almost threw up. What happened.

I feel like Monday is a new week and a new opportunity to have good intentions about my work outs. I need to "giddy up" about working out at 4 a.m. amd I have to say... I don't feel so giddy up about it.

Why is it that when the going get tough, the tough don't work out anymore? Why is that the first thing to go? I looooove working out. I really do. But when work gets busy and sleep eludes me, I stop working out. Completely. I start eating crap and then I weigh myself and die a little inside when I see those numbers next to each other.

Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't I go on the chocolate diet and lose weight. Sigh.

Looking for motivation.

What kind of man are you married to?

As I sat in a company wide meeting today I was astounded by all of the different hairstyels displayed..... by the MEN!!!! There were styles inspired by a variety of celebrities... McSteamy, McDreamy, MCConaughey... And it was VERY obvious that the men leveraged all sorts of "product." Which I have no idea why.. makes me laugh hysterically.

I am married to a VERY no frills man. Twice a year we buy two new pairs of khaki flat front pants from old navy... and VOILA... wardrobe spruce up. I am grateful for the low maintenance as it allows for more than adequate budget for my wardrobe spruce ups... from clothes and shoe mecca... Nordstrom's.

What kind of man are you married to? I have to say that as much as I appreciate my husband's "no frills" way... I did find it very appealing when he dressed up for Valentine's day. But every day... the whole suit, tie, shirt thing... yeah... not for me. ;)

P.S..... as I'm posting this ... my daughter says..."who's that?" while looking at a picture of MM here tot he left. I told her who it was and then she said... well where does he live? ... Good question baby... gooooood question ;)

How much would you pay for an extra hour a day

I am either the most gullible person in the world... OOOOOR... I'm desperate for more time in my day.

I was putting on my makeup this morning and heard my TV say that at a tradeshow people were selling an hour of time... and I thought for a fleeting moment... "nuh uh... how does that work?"

Ok people.. there has to be a better way to work hard for the money, be a mom, work out (good intentions, never happens) see friends... I mean seriously. I don't wear a cape and will not proclaim to be any kind of superhero... but how in the world do some people do it.
You know you work with those people or are friends with them... they look great, super skinny, dressed to the nines, always have good ideas kind of ladies... who also happen to have 10 children, the great house and husband to match. They seemingly have it all together. Are they leveraging smoke and mirrors... is having your cake and eating it to REALLY possible? Well... it's my quest this year to find out, figure out and get it for myself and my family... after all... we deserve it.

I've charged myself this year with personal and professional goals like never before. I want to be a social media maven. I want to lose my baby weight. I'm tired of it. I want to feel beautiful.... and if that is tied to losing weight.. then damn it.. I want it. I want to be a "good" wife and mother... whatever that means... or however that feels. Right now, I feel like my days are scotch taped together and with my fingers and toes crossed I get through.

I hate that feeling. Can I put that feeling in a box and leave it there for the rest of 2010?

In the spirit of being a social media maven... I'd like to enlist some help. I'm looking for practical tips and tricks to gain a following... on the blog, on the tweet... across all mediums. I realize that I offer nothing interesting, beyond the mindless ramblings of a crazy woman... but I also want to bring content to the following. So... with that being said... I'm soliciting guest bloggers and more will be coming soon.

Peace out.. .God Speed... keep it real.

K

Gappelblog: Seven year itch

Gappelblog: Seven year itch

Seven year itch

I officially have the seven year itch... with regards to my house...

I love my house. I always have. It's just the right size for my family and has a whole lot of potential... for someone creative with space who knows how to work a small house. And then there's me. I keep everything. The size 6's from the "I only eat fish and vegetables days"... oh yea... I have those. The dresses from EVERY college formal... yup... I have those too.. ziploc bags full of photos...the list goes on.

I think that you just really never know when you're going to need that stuff again. And what if you sell it, give it away, etc and then you are kicking yourself for getting rid of it. OR.... what if you live in a small house with minimal closet space and every closet is FULL of stuff that you're keeping for a rainy day. Explain to me the delicate balance of what to keep and what to ditch.

It's really fun to drive around and look at new houses... you know.. bigger space ... more closets... that way the size 6s and party gowns have a forever home. Or.... I could put on my big girl panties and ditch everything that doesn't fit.... isn't used... etc... eek. I don't like that idea. I don't even like the idea of selling my sewing machine... that I love so much and haven't used in 6 months but could probably make a nice stash of cash on.

So my house and I are at an impass and February is a month of a lot of visitors. So... if you happen to be visiting me this month.. please respect the fact that if you open a closet... you may be putting yourself at risk.

If you happen to be a home organizer looking for pro-bono work and are interested in really taking on a challenge.. you let me know. I really need some help :)

What did you want to be when you grow up?

I can very vividly remember sitting in Mrs. Vogely's first grade class and everyone discussing what they wanted to be when they grow up. Tommy Breza wanted to be a doctor like his dad, Adam Holloway wanted to be a dinosaur if I remember correctly and I proudly told my class that I wanted to be a Rockette. Of course the dreams were shattered as I capped out a very curvy (not that there's anything wrong with that) 5 foot 2. But now I always wonder, what do I want to be when I grow up. I'll turn 32 in April - gasp - and I'm not sure that I quite have a handle on what the future holds. More children - DEFINITELY - a career - ABSOLUTELY - the time to have my cake and eat it to - I'm starting to have doubts.

I remember clearly my mother telling me repeatedly as a teenager that I was spread too thin and that I couldn't possibly do everything well... something would suffer. So now, as a wife, mother, PR goddess, friend, lover, fighter, aspiring blogger.... what is suffering? or is it a house of cards for now and if I hold my breath it might just all work out.

When I grow up I want to be a PR badass.... a rockin mother and wife that keeps it all together. When I grow up I want to be Superwoman. The realist in me says... not possible ... but the glass half full of me... says heck yeah... go girl... have it all.

What do you want to be when you grow up?