Where is your escape?

All of the many phases of my life have all been "similar" in that I always have some kind of escape that I selfishly keep to myself.

The highschool years... it was gymnastics... I loved going... I felt so powerful... I enjoyed the ability to control the out of control. It was heaven actually for this control freak. I only wish I had done more of it, longer and at a younger age.

During the college years... it was the jobs I held. I worked every summer, every semester except my first year... I loved to work. It was my escape from SMU... where although I did find my niche... I completely didn't fit in.

After college it was yoga. I still love yoga but I feel like I ruined it by trying my hand at being an instructor. I took a lot of time and consideration to go into the certification program... and one month in... the requirements changed.... and so did my attitude. I felt like I coudln't "trust" my yoga people anymore. They didn't respect the fact that I signed up for something specific and they robbed me from that. Everything that I did, was never good enough. As much as I loved it, I hated every inch. So my escape enslaved me. I pushed too hard... and I got injured and my hip is still recovering. I haven't been to a yoga class in more than a year. I miss that escape every single day. But I have a hard time envisioning going back. At least to where I was. They preached acceptance of where you are in your yoga journey. Yet no one there respected the fact that I was a working mother with zero time and trying to get the certification done in my own time and way. Everything I did fell short. And so did my certification. I was about 40 hours short in finishing the 500 hour certification. And I"m terrified to go back. I"m not sure that I ever will. As much as I hate unfinished business, I hate going right back into a lions den when I know exactly what's in there. My birthday is April 7. And I might give myself a yoga class.

Since yoga... the escape has been trips to disney world. It's a literal escape. I was never one for vacations, but after starting my current job and working at the pace I've been working at, it's become a necessity to have vacations where I don't check email and I give my brain a break and my family my undivided attention for a week. I've never been that sort of person that needed that. I always used vacation time to catch up with family and always checked email and voicemail during vacations. It never bothered me.Over the holidays this year I miscalculated how much vacation time I had... and went over by one day. I figured it wasn't a big deal... and could borrow against vacation time. I ended up getting docked a day's pay for the extra vacation day I took. This was a little disheartening considering that during vacation I checked my email every day. So I learned my lesson the hard way. First lesson... was to know my math.... second lesson was that I should NEVER check email on vacation. Vacation is vacation and an escape. A much needed brain break from the work day. Take it, enjoy it and don't look back.

Our next escape is to Disney for my daughter's 4th birthday. Wow... the fastest 4 years of my life... seriously. And is it wrong that I'm already working on planing another trip to Disney for the fall. I"m working on the next escape. What's yours?

K

A not so skinny cow

I'm convinced that my friends at weight watchers didn't have in mind that 1 skinny cow equals 2 points, and if you can have 22 points a day that's 10 skinny cows. But nonetheless... something to that effect happened. Sorry to admit... I got emotional... and I ate 3 skinny cows in one sitting. What can I say... my veggie burrito just didn't do it for me. Will my friends at Dottie's Weight Loss Zone cringe... probably... does this girl who's way tired and over stressed this week care... I'm willing to bet not.

But nonetheless... I try to stick to the leaf I've turned over... exercise 3 days a week (minimum... and even that's been hard), no more energy drinks, decrease the quickness to anger, breath more, smile more, stand in the sun more....I feel happier. I sort of want my butt to shrink too. I think I'm asking for too much.

The issue... the issue is that for the 4 yeas since having my daughter I can't seem to shed the baby weight. It's officially no longer baby weight. BAby weight is what my grandmother and aunt geri used to refer to my pudgieness as a pre teen.. it wasn't baby weight then either. So when I hear the term I'm actually super offended. I"m going to say that it's.. life happens weight. And with a job that isn't quite as flexible as it used to be.. I don't get in the workouts the way that I once did. So... the world is different. EAting vegetables in mass quantities has commenced and cutting out all of the stuff I love is a new reality. I can't remember the last time I had a real piece of bread, a real piece of chocolate and a piece of pizza. I don't think that I was a crazy bad eater or overeater for that matter... but by paying attention for one week and working out 3 times... I lost 4 pounds. I know that rate won't sustain. But if I could just feel better about myself and not be so freakin' embarassed about my body all the time, things would be looking up.

Am I the only woman in the world who feels more confident, sexier and happier when I'm not this size? I'm willing to bet not. But I wouldn't necessarily consider myself "fat." but... by today's standards, yeah... I am... it's a confusing game... it's frustrating...so I won't allow myself to get crazy... but Iwill allow myself to get healthy(er).

I'm considering trying quick trim... mostly because I love the Kardashians. Is that wrong?